Blogging is weird, my dear reader. I feel as if I am schizophrenic, trying to formulate the perfect conversation with myself...
One of my recent favorite quotes reads, “someone once told me not to bite off more than I could chew. I said I would rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity.”
It’s not enough to be raising three kids in a global pandemic while working full-time, but I also decided to start my own business. Will I fail? Maybe. And I’m okay with that. I would rather fail trying than regret not taking a swing at life. I want my children to see me fail, and I want them to see me succeed (you miss 100% of the shots you never take..). Both are important life lessons.
Truth be told, most days, I feel like my head is barely bobbing above water. From the outside looking in, it may appear that I’m joyously floating in the water but underneath, I’m treading so hard to stay afloat. From the outside looking in, remember that you may see someone with a glow of happiness but that glow comes in the form of a sheen of sweat from hard work.
I imagine myself in a sea. Sometimes the water is stormy, grey clouds fill the air, and the wind whips my hair into a tangled frenzy. Sometimes too, a sick excitement accompanies navigating chaos.
My anxiety fuels my work. I make lists and take much pleasure in the physical action of crossing things off in a defiant black pen that cannot be erased. Wake up. Crossed off. Coffee. Check. Dissertation on how the profession of nurse anesthesia was founded on inherent gender bias. Well... that obviously will require more work but makes the list.
The harder I work, the more conditioned my body feels, and more able and ready to tread and navigate the waters with ease.
When Anna and I started EmpowHER, we asked you, our fellow colleagues, what content most interested you. We got the best responses that we are eager to provide. We also got a few about how we manage work-life balance. I will be the first to raise my hand and admit to being an imposter. While I have conditioned my body and mind to handle biting off more than chew, I would admit to being an imposter who claims to have answers for a healthy work-life balance. Our mothers told us we could be and have whatever we wanted if we would be willing to work for it. But having all you want comes with a steep price for today’s modern woman. We can have a career, but is it at the expense of our home lives? If we give 100% at both work and home, we 0% left to give ourselves.
This is the part of the blog where I insert another motivational quote, so we feel re-energized to attack life, but my copy and paste skills lack here. What I can be is honest. We are all hot messes which is why we need to stick together now more than ever. These words may validate you, or they may not. But, I see you, and I recognize myself. I acknowledge your struggles, knowing I have them myself. I see the strife of the working woman CRNA, and I am devoted to supporting us in this quest. Because let’s be honest, we are the only stakeholders.